Someone Asked Me...

Why is your depression worse now than it was before?

Well scientifically I couldn't tell you. Emotionally, physically, and relationship wise, for me I'll fill you in.

Today I was looking for plastic surgeons. To fix the extra skin on my stomach, legs, arms, and most depressingly to me, my breasts. Initially it was only a breast refill I NEEDED to be happy, but then I caught a glimpse of the excess skin on my back, my stomach, my arms, and I cried for an hour on the bathroom floor. 

I hated myself before the massive weight loss, I hate myself more now. I look like a melted candle. Misshapen, warped, hideous.  

Weight loss will NOT make you happy, in fact, it will likely worsen depression if you have it. It is not the end all, sure it will help your general health, and mobility, but it has its downside too. You see people for the shallow jerks they are. People who never ever gave you the time of day before, are suddenly interested. Store clerks treat you better as a skinny person, you get more offers of help from people. More people smile at you on the street, and the people who used to drive by and call you a fat cow, now whistle at you and make you feel ashamed.

The only lesson I have for you here, is be happy with you BEFORE you change yourself, because if you aren't nothing will ever "fix" you.

Depression Doesn't Go Away

So the new you is 100+ pounds less. You can run a while without getting tired, stairs are no longer a burden.... walking is a joy, and you fit in smaller clothes. But the depression, clinical depression, it doesn't go away.

I've suffered with depression, anxiety, and (most wont believe it) an extremely introverted personality for many many years (about 21 years to zero in on the diagnosis at age 7). I get depressed over the smallest, most insignificant things... anxious over nothing at all, and my introversion makes work a living hell. I am a full time a Client Service Professional, I work with the public, and that means I have to act like I'm not terrified 100% of the time. This leaves me drained, emotionally, socially, 100% of the time, and more prone to depression.

It's thanks to... a special someone in my SecondLife (yes a game), and in my Real Life heart that I was reminded of how awesome I am. In the past year: I have graduated college, found a job (albeit seasonal), got my license, lost 100 pounds. I am fricken AMAZING! Sometimes, it takes other people pointing out things about you, for you to be able to see them yourself.... and, should you be cynical like me, maybe someone you love can get it through your head, and help you out of your funk.

You are beautiful, you are intelligent, and you have got this life by the horns!

Keep being amazing.

Vitamin D Deficiencies and You

I know I've been gone a while, college, new relationship, new job, new everything it feels like. New year new me really hit hard this round, but in all that chaos of a new life, comes absent mindedness. I remember my muti-vit daily. I never forget it. But the Vitamin D? Oh yes that I forget.... in fact I've forgotten every day since January.

I first noticed the issues last night (Feb 13th) when I got mopey over absolutely nothing. I mean, pouting, stomping, full blown 3 year old temper tantrum. I've had a migraine for 8 days, hadn't been sleeping well, and was exhausted from the new job I had just started.... But I just couldn't figure out WHY. I hadn't eaten trigger foods, hid inside from the sunlight... So I got up, and went to grab more water (5th bottle for the day) and as I went to the door I saw the new unopened bottle of Vitamin D, with the receipt marked December 22, 2015 wrapped around it.

Oh.... THAT explains much, I thought, but I still had to look it up.

WebMD tells me that "The most common cause of this sleep problem is vitamin D deficiency."

Makes sense since I've been entirely ignoring that vitamin for months. So I unsealed that bottle, took one with a glass of milk, and slept better than I have in months. I woke up migraine free, and so far haven't had a total pouty moment (Just the regularly scheduled mood swings that accompany a woman). So the moral of the story here is....

DON'T FORGET YOUR VITAMINS! No matter how small they may seem, how trivial, or how easy to forget, the side effects can mess with you seriously.

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Please note: I am not a qualified medical professional, I cannot tell you which vitamins you need to be taking pre or post op. Stay in contact with your medical professionals, and stay on top of your blood work.